Tough Week in the Beatitudes

Matthew 5: 4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Seems pretty straight forward at first glance. When Pastor Kyle first read it, I was like, "Duh. You lose someone of course you'll be sad. And of course your family/friends will help you." But it became much clearer as he began to elaborate how "baby-Christian" my thought process was.

The Greek word for "mourn" in this verse is only used a handful of times in the entirety of the Bible. It is the deepest, severest degree of suffering and loss one can experience--the loss at the death of Christ for the disciples is the best example. Further into his discussion, it was apparent that we were not referencing the loss of a loved one, but the sin that we commit and don't weep over.

I am in such denial about the sorrow my transgressions cause my Heavenly Father. I admit I take for granted the mercy and grace that are readily available to me. I hardly ever recognize the sorrow and grief that I should be feeling for the sins I have committed. It is easy for me to shed tears on behalf of my brothers and sisters in Christ; weeping for the injustice in others' lives comes quickly.

I know that speaking harshly toward or about someone is a sin, but I don't ever cry over the words that left my mouth--or even the thoughts that run through my mind. I don't cry because I lust after something/one more intensely than I pursue Christ. I haven't cried because of the rage and bitterness that is taking root in my heart...a heart that was purchased by the blood of my Savior. To be able to look you in the eye and tell you these things is a terrible testimony to the condition of my heart. Even still, conditions, like circumstances, are always subject to change.

Pastor Kyle went on to discuss three things sin will inevitably do. Sin will:

1. take you farther than you ever wanted to go...yep, ended up pregnant outside of marriage.

2. keep you longer than you ever wanted to stay...yep, 5 years later ended up in a marriage that has failed.

3. cost you more than you ever wanted to pay...wait, wait, wait...what?

I had to stop and think about that for a second. What exactly had my sin cost me? At this moment, nothing that cannot be restored through the grace of Christ. Pastor Kyle continued his sermon on how sin does these things. First, it penetrates your heart. Skipping toward the end of Matthew 5, verses 27 and 28 tell us blatantly, that you don't have to physically act on something for it to be counted as sin.

In Luke 22:69, Christ mentions the Son of Man at the right hand of God Almighty. Following verse 28 are 29 and 30. Twice the "right" of a body part is mentioned--this, like the order of the Beatitudes, is not haphazard or without purpose. Secondly, if not addressed, once sin penetrates your heart, it perverts all that is precious and dear to you. Are we not precious to the Lord...Does that not clue you in on how dangerous sin is and what it could pervert in your life?

WARNING for yours truly. If I didn't/don't start to mourn the sin that is in my life presently or repent for the things in my past, my sin would cost me my relationship with my sweet, angelic, little girl. My unbecoming speak of others would teach her that it is ok; it is not. My lustfulness would teach her to pursue things not of God. And, my anger/bitterness would harden my heart so much that even she wouldn’t be welcome; and that of all things would not be replaceable.

As usual though (for it is in His character and nature), God shows us hope and comfort. Standing in the Throne Room before God, Isaiah cries out how ruined and destitute he is (recognizing his spiritual condition) because of his unclean lips and the unclean lips of those with whom he keeps company. With the effortless act of mercy of the seraph on behalf of God, it is made known that because of Isaiah's confession and acknowledgment of sin, he is forgiven (Isaiah 6: 5-7).

In Psalm 32, David lists all the consequences that accompany the unconfessed sin. The weight of the chains of oppression from guilt was more than he could bear--similar to us trying to hide our sins from ourselves, let alone Christ. He then begins to rejoice with the freedom he experiences when he purges his transgressions and empties his heart before God.

It's amazing that I am struggling with the same issues that a man, who committed adultery and murder, addressed thousands of years ago. BUT, after weeping and crying out and MOURNING, he was comforted. David was then called a man after God's own heart. Just knowing the history of God's love for sinners is hope enough that I will be comforted....

I recommend reading Psalm 32 fully. It paints a better picture than I can. And needless to say, many tears have fallen in 24 hours.